John Singleton

John Singleton

@jsingle96432364

Followers84
Following1.1K

Aspiring author, crap linguist, mediocre father/husband

Middle of Nowhere, Utah
Joined on October 16, 2018
@jsingle96432364 Statistics

We looked inside some of the tweets by @jsingle96432364 and found useful information for you.

Inside 100 Tweets

Time between tweets:
2 days
Average replies
0
Average retweets
0
Average likes
3
Tweets with photos
19 / 100
Tweets with videos
29 / 100
Tweets with links
0 / 100
Fun Fact

69% of follows on Twitter are suggested by friends.

I am here to be funny—not political. Blue or Red, I just want to make you laugh. If I post something political, let me know, and I will explain why you are wrong. (Or quietly delete it and pretend I don’t know what you’re talking about.)

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Yo, Fam. So I tried white claw for the first time and let me just say... it is the dream. Water that gets you drunk? That is all I have ever asked for!

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To prove her worth as an artist, I challenged my wife to draw a perfect circle free-hand.

This is what she gave me instead:

To prove her worth as an artist, I challenged my wife to draw a perfect circle free-hand. This is what she gave me instead:

There are so many questions that science can’t answer. Like where did dogs throw up before humans invented carpet?

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I want to support my local establishments, but there are just so many things wrong here. @GordonRamsay we need your help.

I want to support my local establishments, but there are just so many things wrong here. @GordonRamsay we need your help.

My wife puts spoons in my son’s lunch—our house has been noticeably short on spoons lately.

I think my son is running a black market silverware hustle at his school.

My wife puts spoons in my son’s lunch—our house has been noticeably short on spoons lately. I think my son is running a black market silverware hustle at his school.

Someone got a new fort, somebody else is jealous...

Someone got a new fort, somebody else is jealous...

Somebody got caught eating brown sugar and honey soaked Brussels sprouts...

Somebody got caught eating brown sugar and honey soaked Brussels sprouts...

The next Star Wars should be @jarpad and @JensenAckles as rogue jedis hunting down Sith Lords with @mishacollins as their gungan sidekick. #StarWars #supernatural15

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Peanut butter is so 2019.

2020 is for cheesecake.

Peanut butter is so 2019. 2020 is for cheesecake.

Update: the hot water is now working in the kitchen. Cold should be on around noon.

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I went in the kitchen this morning intent on doing the dishes and making coffee just to find the pipes have frozen again. This isn’t new, it is like this all winter, every winter. How have I yet to learn that I need to prep the coffee the night before?

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When you thought you were a good boy, but turns out you were a bad dog all along:

When you thought you were a good boy, but turns out you were a bad dog all along:

What’s the greatest movie of all time and why is it Crocodile Dundee?

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You know you are an adult when someone brings up Santa Claus and you don’t have the compulsive need to announce: “I don’t believe in Santa!”

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Dad tip: If you want to avoid going to school functions, grow a mustache. Then they won’t let you inside!

Dad tip: If you want to avoid going to school functions, grow a mustache. Then they won’t let you inside!

Cancer>AIDS>Hiccups Sorry, just speaking truth.

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Kicking my dog out of the kitchen be like:

Kicking my dog out of the kitchen be like:

I am currently training the dog to open the present my wife got me for Christmas so I can peek and blame it on him. She is not happy.

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Bad news, everyone: The “He who smelt it dealt it” rule no longer applies once you get married, and I am tweeting this from my new bed in the living room.

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SPCA: iF yOu’Re CoLd, ThEy’Re CoLd

My dog:

SPCA: iF yOu’Re CoLd, ThEy’Re CoLd My dog:

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